The Road to Nowhere

Days like today, I don’t feel I make any headway.  I have coursework to complete, housework, a mountain of washing and the shopping to do.
 
I don’t have any energy and I’m not sure where to start.  Rather than looking at the whole lot and thinking I should just go back to bed, I have taken the dirty washing down stairs and brought the clean up.  Watching something on the telly, I sorted the clean washing and put it away.  I have also put a couple of loads through the washing machine.  Breaking it down in to small jobs I have managed to get quite a bit done.


When I’m feeling overwhelmed by the tasks I have to complete, I try to break them up, with frequent breaks and work my way through them one at a time.  It may take a bit longer but at least I am getting them done.



Sarah

New Goals

I have been rather quiet on the blog front recently. This is partly because I hate the winter; I want to hibernate and partly because I am embarking on a new career path. I have been given the opportunity to teach computer basics to adults and I have been really enjoying it. It is taking up quite a bit of my free time but it makes such a wonderful change to be able to show people how wonder the technology can be rather fixing a computer which is not working the way it should.

I have also finished my counseling sessions. I have dredged up all of my issues, dealt with the ones I could, resolved some of them and ring fenced and put a positive spin on the rest. By this I mean I have looked at the negative parts of my life and focused on the positives I have drawn from these events.

For the most part I am in a pretty good place at the moment. The dark clouds are there but they have parted, the sun is shining on me and I am happy.

Laughter and smiles

It is a year today since my life came crashing to a stop, when I finally realized that I could not cope. From the almost catatonic state, through manic highs, terrible lows and back to the calm and happy state I am today.

Since my last entry, I have completely stopped taking the anti depressants. So my emotions are now my own and not propped up by pills. This has caused a few ups and down, but I am coping and I am back in control.

I have also celebrated what should have been my brother's 40th birthday. A happy time, but I still miss him, loads.

My photography and drawings have really helped me through this bad time, as have my loving and supportive family and friends. My drawings helping me to visualize, express and understand my thoughts and feelings; and my friends and family reminding me that I am not alone even when I felt I was.

The laughter and smiles have definitely returned, but I know I don't have to hide from the darker emotions, as I can deal with them again.

Sarah

Onwards and upwards

Still finding my rhythm working two jobs and a college course, but all is good. Paid all my bills and sorting my life out, all paper work done but still a waiting to be filed...it might be there a while yet!

Managed to fit in a holiday and photographed another friend's wedding. Still working on the photographs for that.

Looking to come off the tablets soon, I know I'm on the mend, no more panic or anxiety attacks, pretty much back in control. It has been an interesting ride. Thanks to good support from family, friends and professionals I'm not surviving, I'm thriving.

A new path

I haven't written much in here of late, partly because I was trying to put my life back on track and partly because I didn't have anything to share.

During this process I have put to bed certain aspects of my life which were feeding my depression and I'm still working on the others. I have parted company with the my former employer and I am venturing out into a brave new world. Whilst tryning to earn my keep with various bits and pieces I am promoting my photography, in the hope that I can add to my income doing the things I enjoy.

With that in mind I have started a new blog "http://pictureitphotography-msg.blogspot.com" and I have created and Facebook page "http://www.facebook.com/pages/Picture-It/124723500899272". Through these I hope I can continue on my path to health, happiness and prosperity.

Thank you for all your help and support so far.

MsG

Mayday and the Motorbikes

As I was sorting through the photographs I took on the Mayday rally, I found myself thinking about Simon, my brother and Sharon, my sister inlaw, both bikers, both taken too soon. One through illness and one through a bike accident.

They both loved Mayday, looking at all the bikes, chatting with the other bikers and just enjoying the day with other like minded people. It is days like this that I miss them the most, but I remember them with a smile, knowing that if they were there with me, we would be laughing and chatting as we looked at the bikes together.

I know all the time they are with me in my thoughts and in my heart they can't be too far away. Love and miss you both.

Sarah

Facing my Demons

It has been a while since I wrote a blog, which is naughty of me, as I found it was really helping. In that time I have gone back to work to face my demons and put them all in their place.

The first day I went back I was very aware that some people would find it hard to talk to me, after all I had been off for 5 months and people do not know how to deal with mental health problems, they are still taboo. With this in mind I went to see all the people in my department to let them know that I was still the same person and I am much happier and stronger than I have been in a long time. It broke the ice and I have found so many people who have had similar problems and because I was prepared to talk about what had happened to me and how I am dealing with it, they wanted to talk about their experiences too. I found that comforting to know I'm really not alone in this. It gave me the strenght to put a stop to the things that were making me unhappy at work, this included me stepping down from the management role which contributed to my illness.

Now, without the stress of work always on my mind, I can continue on my path to recovery. I don't know where it is leading me. I just know I am getting better every day. So I will continue to follow it and see where it goes.

Sarah